


Cold

by citruscake



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, major angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-26 14:50:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13238034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citruscake/pseuds/citruscake
Summary: Yifan watches EXO's latest music video, and he isn't happy about it.





	Cold

He can’t do it.

 

Yifan slams the space bar on his keyboard, staring blankly at the paused video. He sighs at the face in front of him, so full of emotion and longing, reflecting his own inner feelings, and shuts his laptop in frustration. He gets up and looks out the window of his studio to the busy streets of Los Angeles, eyes following the people walking below as if they were ants.

 

 It’s been years since he talked to any of them. He looks back on those years of his life as bittersweet - he had so much fun, but it also got to a point where it wasn’t so fun. Plus, _he_ was there.

 

He really can’t do it.

 

Yifan glances around his studio, as if anyone was there with him (there wasn’t) and he pulls out his wallet, unfolding a couple of small pictures he keeps in there at all times. Staring back at him are twelve smiling faces on one picture, and only two in the other. _His_ face. He sighs again.

 

Would he even answer?

 

Yifan tried to convince himself that he had moved on, that things were better now, but every time they released a new music video, he was drawn straight back to it. Back to _him._ And he didn’t know why.

 

What time is it in Korea?

 

He quickly does the math in his head, and pulls out his phone. He stares at his Favorite Contacts screen, at the Hangul characters staring right back at him. This isn't the first time he's done this, stared blankly at his phone, at those characters. He wouldn't admit it, but he's done it at least 12 times before, if not several more. This was the thirteenth, and his heart and brain were fighting a war within him. One telling him to call, the other telling him not to open that can of worms.

 

_Hey Siri, flip a coin._

 

The coin lands on heads, and his thumb hovers over the name. Shutting his eyes tightly and holding his breath, he taps and brings the phone to his ear.

 

Dial tone for five seconds. Then he hears that beautiful voice.

 

_Hello?_

 

Just like that, he freezes, anxiety flowing through his veins, taking over his entire body. All he can do is scramble to hit the 'end call' button, immediately regretting listening to Siri. The can of worms has been opened, his feelings are hitting him like a truck, and tears are threatening to spill out of his eyes.

 

Yifan turns his back to the window and slowly slides to the ground. The memories of that beautiful voice, so full of sunshine and warmth, are coming back to him and he can't handle it.

 

He was right. He really can't do it.

 

Even if he wanted to go back, he couldn't. _Years_ had passed since their last interactions, and everyone had moved on already. There was no going back. Not after all that trouble he went through to get out. He had to remind himself that Korea wasn't his home.. But _he_ sure felt like home.

 

It starts off with just tears, sliding down his cheeks like raindrops on a car window. Slowly but surely, it gets worse, eventually with Yifan holding his head in his hands, sobbing as loudly as he can. 

Yifan has everything he could ever want; the fame, the money, the success.. But it’s not right. He shouldn't have those things alone. He doesn't _want_ to have those things alone.

 

He wants to be with them. He wants to be with _him._

 

But he can't.

 

All Yifan can feel is cold.

 

\----

 

Junmyeon stares at his phone, at the "Recent Calls" screen. He sees that name and he doesn't know what to do.

 

_Are you okay?_

 

He glances over to his members, smiling and nodding quickly, then he goes back to staring at his phone. His thumb gently passes over that name, recollecting the memories from the previous years. Recollecting every time he's thought about him ever since he left. Every smile, every hug, every late night spent talking about nothing at all, everything. His face. His eyes. His hands. The love he could see in his eyes every time they looked at each other. The warmth in having him close.

 

He's in a better place, Junmyeon reassures himself. Hopes.

 

But he can't help it when his face warms up and his emotions take over.

 

A single tear slides down his cheek, and he's left with cold. 

 

_Hyung? Are you crying?!_

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 2018 everyone! let's start the year off with some angst. 
> 
> This is a short fic inspired by something a friend of mine posted on tumblr - I've never written angst before, so I really wanted to try it out. Hope you guys enjoyed! 
> 
> Also hoping I can write some more this year. I really want to work more on Lucky, my fic with panda, and I haven't had the chance because of work and uni. Working full time sucks. :(
> 
> See you guys next time! Follow me on tumblr @citruscake for more shenanigans :)


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